FISH BLOG #3, What Happens When Sei DOESN'T Perform Water Changes...

Remember when my tank looked like this?:

Now it looks like this:

Yes, this is some of my fault.  It's mostly the fault of my mother's, though; unfortunately she got more into my aquarium than I ever thought she would, and...  Well, she now considers it a piece of furniture.  It's now sitting in front of a window that doesn't have blinds to go with it.  My solution was to buy a UV Sterilizer; a device which is marketed to get rid of waterborne pathogens (Like Ich) and also get rid of free-floating algae particles -- the cause of Green Water.  That should arrive in 3-5 days, and should take about three days to take effect.  Hopefully, after the UV Sterilizer my tank will once again be clear and mostly free of nastiness.

I had to perform a huge overhaul of the tank before I took this picture.  It was covered in algae (More so than it is now) and frankly looked a little bit nasty.  Smelled like it too.  That was the result of me not being a smart pet lover and allowing it to grow as I usually did, while sitting next to direct sunlight.  Won't make that mistake again.

I've taken pains to replace the filter cartridge and have set my to-do list to remind me to do this every first of the month.  We'll skip next month since we've already cut into half of this one.

There are no plants in my tank anymore; due to my mother's stupidity, I had to uproot them all.  They're in plant heaven, but I"m thinking of replacing them with fast-growing plants to compete with the algae in the face of the sun.  Since I have no money, however, this bit of the overhaul will have to wait until I'm done with everything else :P.

The fish themselves have gotten bigger -- about 1 1/2 inch.  One of the Gold Pristellas actually grew so big (and fat) that he can't swim straight anymore; he has to continually keep himself at an upward angle in order to move forward.  xD It's kind of cute.  All of the females in the Cherry Barb group have long passed -- I don't know what it is, but I continually have trouble keeping those.  The males, however, have both survived and are doing well.  Mr. Pleco is just fine too.  Honestly, he seems a little fat.  So I kind of assume he's happy xD

I've also started feeding the fish something different.  Instead of just flakes, I feed them THERA+, a brand that came out of my local fish store and seems to do well for their color and their immune systems; extra garlic does that, apparently.

Aside from those things, there really hasn't been a change in my aquarium.  Once the water looks less nasty I'll post another Fish Blog :3 I can't wait for it to start looking normal again. xD

Fuck This Shit

I am so FUCKING TIRED of people and their SHIT MEMORIES. You guys need to fix yourselves instead of trying to fight a losing battle with me. If you love me, if you care about me, TAKE SOME FUCKING MEDICATION, WRITE THE BULLSHIT DOWN OR JUST FUCKING TAKE A HINT AND COMMIT WHAT I SAY TO MEMORY. IT ISNT THAT BLOODY HARD. I'm tired of having arguments with almost everybody I know because they can't be bothered to remember what I have to say.  FUCK YOU PEOPLE.  I am NOT going to start carrying a recorder just because you don't know how to remember shit.  If you want me in your lives, then shit better start to change, or I will make the hard choice for us and LEAVE, because clearly I am not important in your lives. If I was, YOU WOULD REMEMBER MY WORDS.

FUCK. THIS. BULLSHIT.

Catching Up

Lots of things have happened since I've last updated.  Two big stress-makers have gone away, at least for the remainder of the year, new stress comes to take their place, and, oh, I have a new job.

I think I lost my job at Macy's, anyway >>;;.  They haven't been scheduling me at all.

My new job is at American Eagle Airlines.  I'm ecstatic!  Not kidding -- this is exactly what I'd been hoping for when I made this post.  What's left now?  Distribute my resume, get my foot into writing and establish seniority at American Eagle so that I'll be able to keep my sanity for those always-rare off days and vacations.  There's my life set up.  Now I just have to make sure I can do it.

On subject of my love life, today marks four years since TJ and I got together.  I'm proud of us; we've come so far from those two teenagers in a park.  I think I'm still paranoid.  I think he can still be an ass.  But I love him.  I think he loves me, too.

The other day we were having an argument about nicknames...  I still don't know what's become of that because...  I want to think that he realizes how important that name is to me; I think I get how important it is to him and how different it is when it comes from her...  But it's special.  It's ours.  I don't want to share it with anyone, especially not with another woman.  I don't care what the meaning is.

I don't really know if that means I've put our love before TJ himself...  But I know that no one else, NOTHING else comes before those things.  That's the way life is supposed to be.  You put the one you love the most and the things you share before anyone else.  Before anything.  At least...  That's the way it's supposed to be.  He promised me he'd take care of it, so, I'm waiting.

I bought him a watch for our anniversary.  It's fitting -- he bought me my watch some time ago.  Hopefully these will keep for a really long time.

This post looks hobjobbed and not at all like how I normally write...  I think my brain is too scattered to coherently put together sentences.  I just know that there are things I need to do and people that I need to take care of.  And I'll keep this blog updated as to how that process is going.  Sorry it took so long for me to come back.

What the Hell is This?

Okay.

...Okay?

I'm sorry, I love cats was rather put off by this awkward display of emotion. I wanted to share the... love Awkwardness.

People find really weird shit to go viral with.  I mean honestly, E3 and the horrors it brings are enough.

Let's Talk About...

How...  Odd it feels to be told that I'm somebody's "everything", but then realize that every Facebook status he updates, every blog post he makes, are about anything except me.

Actually, I take that back.  That one about arguing with a dumb bitch, that was me...  That one about never wanting to talk to me again and "Why the fuck did you call me at work", that was me...  The one about being "stalked", that was me...  The one about how he couldn't believe he gave up fifty dollars, that was me (And damn, but I had been hoping that he'd actually wanted to do something nice for me, but now I know in the back of his mind he was thinking what a stupid fucking decision it was, and that feels horrible)...  The one about how he could finally listen to our song without "wanting to erase the past three years of his life", that was me too...  And afterward, after all that, one single post made me smile.  And that was about having St. Patrick's Day dinner with his family and me.  Not even the one where we were at Chili's was about me.  It was about a song that was playing.  Hmm.  But at least I was mentioned there.

What am I getting at here?  If I'm your everything, then why are your thoughts all over the place except for me?  If I'm your everything, then how come the only facebook statuses (That don't sound like you want to bite someone's head off, again, me) that are positive are about your friends?  If I'm your everything, then how come you introduced your FRIENDS in the first blog post you ever made, but when I asked you why I was never mentioned, you said you "Don't write about your daily life in this blog"?  By the way, that journal you claimed to have that was filled with thoughts about me that you conveniently "lost" a couple of years ago probably should have been found the day you moved out...  Guess that wasn't real either...

I'm writing about this because I woke up at four in the morning crying over it.  I think maybe I'm coming off as a little whiny, but it worries me.  It worries me because honestly, if I'm your everything and you've personally told me that you want to shout your love from the rooftops...  Why aren't you doing it?  What's keeping you from announcing your love?  What's keeping you from talking about me?  Why are you hiding me?

It also makes me a little jealous...

Because I see Tomasa talking about her boyfriend all the time, and how they love each other, and how he's amazing...  Because I see other people talking to their SO's over Facebook and meanwhile I haven't heard a peep from mine, like he thinks that nothing I ever write about is interesting...  Because I read blog posts where wives are cooking or hanging out or even dieting with their husbands and they seem so...  Happy.  They seem like they're "together".  They don't seem separated.  I feel separated.

I feel as though this relationship is trying to work from two different sides that aren't willing to come together anymore.  I feel like he isn't willing to reach out to me where I'm willing to reach out to him (But at least we talked about that one, and he's willing to let me support him now).  Because of those facebook statuses I know that everything he told me when we were first dating was a lie.  He didn't think the world of me, he was turning around and letting all his friends know just what sort of retarded bitch I was, for all to see, on Facebook.  And I wouldn't be surprised if he had been constantly complaining to them about me while he was secretly hanging out with them, too.

And now...  While we're dating again...  Shouldn't he be announcing his refound love for me?  Shouldn't he at least have let people know how much he missed me?  Shouldn't he be talking about how he enjoys spending time with me, or the things we do together?  Shouldn't he be talking about how much I make him smile, or how happy I make him, or...  Something?

I guess...  I guess I'm just not noteworthy enough to talk about.  Certainly not more noteworthy than a cardboard cutout of Snoop Dogg in his room, or a couple of turret plushies.  I so dearly wish I was, though.  I really wish I was his everything.

It Was Bound to Happen Eventually.

Yes... I've created a new blog.

It's called Modern Cave Scrawls.  I think it's pretty nifty, dunno about you.

The entire thing will be documenting my adventures in Paleo.  I wanna be able to see where it goes, even if I do end up quitting or going off-track eventually.  I want a place to put the records.

You're (Whoever you are) all free to go check it out, follow it, stalk it, do what you do best.  I hope you enjoy the layout, too.  Leather?  Yeeeeeah.

Dear FDA: We Hate You Too.

Amish Snow. White Lightning. Horse-N-Buggy-Chug-a-Luggy. Those are just a few of the street names the kids are using when trying to get their raw Amish dairy fix. Luckily, the FDA staged an early morning raid on suspected Amish Milk smugglers. The Amish tried to go all Tony Montana on the brave federal agents trying to put the kibosh on illegal unpasteurized milk distribution rings, but alas, the feds prevailed. The community is once again safe from these bearded menaces.

First, they busted girl scouts selling cookies on street corners. Then they shut down little kids’ lemonade stands as well as people selling extra veggies out of their backyard gardens to neighbors. Now there is a federal case against Amish dairy farmers selling dangerous raw milk contraban. Thank God for the FDA protecting us from girl scouts, children, gardeners, little old ladies trying to board airplanes, and now Amish milk smugglers.

The FDA claims raw milk is a dangerous substance that should “never be consumed by anyone at any time.” Do I need to point out the ridiculousness and hypocrisy here? They actually hand out subsidies for corn, wheat, and sugar. They practically shove high-fructose corn syrup, food dyes, artificial sweeteners, mercury filled vaccines, and statins down our throats- yet they act like Amish farmers are selling jugs of plutonium! I don’t really do much dairy at all myself, but seriously….

This has NOTHING to do with your safety or well-being, it is about money (noticing a pattern here?). The Amish are simply cutting into the big agra-government racket. They just want their cut, and they want to send a clear message that THEY are in control.

Here is a link to the story in the Washington Times.

From Rachel @ Paleo Freedom.