I'm Not Important Enough to Spend Time With.

 This is driving me nuts.  I have a boyfriend.  The guy is supposed to love me.  Right?  Any person that's "Too busy" for me just doesn't deserve my time, right?  RIGHT?  Damnit.

My issue is... I kind of feel used. Sort of like I'm the one thing he goes to when he has nothing to fill into his schedule. School and handball, as one can imagine, take up a lot of his time. In fact, when we started dating he had explained to me that the reason why he hadn't really had too many girlfriends (Just one before me) was because he was "basically married to handball". I told him I'd try to understand and be supportive, and I think I've done pretty well so far.

I haven't said anything to him all these months, because I've always gotten the vibe that he's just a busy guy, with college and all, and he's VERY passionate about handball so I figure I'll be supportive. But he'll often invite me up (Which is an hour drive, at least a gallon of gas each time, and a gallon back) very late at night, like at ten. Then he'll attempt to have sex with me (Pending my mood), then go to bed (And hold me, and cuddle me for a while) then often enough I'll have to leave in the morning because "he has practice/school/a tournament/something".

I mean, being with him is nice. I know I'm lucky enough to even be able to see my boyfriend while others are states or even countries away, but, don't I deserve more than that? Yesterday evening, a day after he'd invited me up (And I went, and left, like he asked), I confronted him about it. I told him I think we've been dating long enough that I deserve a little bit more than that every time I come up, because if he misses me like he says then we should probably be doing something other than having sex and cuddling when I visit. Now, that's not to say that on break he isn't a sweetheart. He's just... A damn busy guy, always scheduling stuff with handball or friends or working out or.... Something. He responded saying he knows, and it upsets him too, but school and handball are just things he has to do.

And I understand that, of course. It's school and something he loves. But I feel like I deserve a little bit more than what I get. I'm not really complaining about his breaks because at least we get some time to ourselves then, but they're so few and far between that it's hard to focus on them. With the way he's "scheduling me in", I feel less like his girlfriend and more like his call girl.

I mean, I feel like I barely know the guy. He won't even talk to me about handball, while he'll talk about it with his friends and family, but to me he says "It's just hard to talk about it with someone who's not interested in sports, no offense". I guess I just want to be more of a part of his life, but I don't know what to do!

FISH BLOG #2, What Happens When Sei Performs a Water Change?

Oh my effing gawd.

Okay, before I get all Zomg spazzy, the test results as of 01/07/11 (By the way, Happy New Year everybody) are:

pH: 8.0/8.2
Ammonia: 0
Nitrite: 0
Nitrate: 0

THESE RESULTS MAKE ME HAPPY.

They mean that I actually set up the tank properly!  W00t!

The new inhabitants of the tank include 6 Cherry Barbs (3 males, 3 females), 6 Kuhli Loaches, and 1 Albino Bristlenose Pleco (At this point...  I'm really not sure if it's a guy or a girl.  I think it's a girl though.  More updates to come.  xD)

This is Pleco.  He's shy, as he was just added today, so he's hiding.  We'll see if he does a decent job cleaning the algae out of my tank, though.

 
 Most if not all of my Cherry Barbs.

A single loach.  And you guys better appreciate me getting him on camera, because these things are fast little fuckers D:  Much easier to catch on video from a distance.

Speaking of, shortly after performing my second water change I caught all of my fish having a really huge dance party.  Well, everybody except Mr. Pleco that is.  The Barbs dance like:

But the loaches are a liiiiiiiiiiittle more spazzy...

Spoiling the fun, unfortunately, is all the algae that's slowly overcoming my tank.  Big brown spots (Diatoms) are growing.  Likely, a result of my stupidity in not investing in an auto-on/off switch for the lights, and also partially because I might be overfeeding the fish.  Maybe.  Still, this is supposed to be good for the algae eaters in my tank.  Pleco-dude(ette) should be in heaven once he comes out of his proverbial shell and actually lives a little.  I won't be surprised if he develops a little bit of a gut with all the stuff growing on the back and sides of his new home.  By the by, just saying but...  They keep A LOT of Plecos in the same tanks at pet stores.  There were tons of little albino and chocolate Pleco-lettes hanging onto one single piece of driftwood when we were there.

Algae D:

 

There's tons and tons of algae on the roof of the tiki hut.  I'm pretty sure Pleco's gonna have fun chewing all that up.

 

If you can see it, hair algae is growing on the bamboo stalk.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I've replaced the (Dying) Amazon Sword plant and the (REALLY ANNOYING) dark plant things with four little bunches of Wisteria.  They're very pretty, and I'll take a picture of them next time so that maybe I'll actually have a tankful and it won't look so bare, but the Barbs keep munching on the leaves (And thereby killing them).  I somewhat wonder if this is good for the plants in some way, because it kind of serves as "pruning" them, but uhh...  I think they might be munching a little too fast...

New Years' Eve.

Note To Self: The movie "Eulogy", bearing a title that perhaps should have cheered me, bothers me to all hell.

More updates follow through the night.

Arguments...

...Suck.

I thought that hell was over.  But I think I'm catching the residual backlash of what I have created.  A monster so poignantly resentful it will rear its head even at the slightest hint of an opposition.  A defense so tightly coiled it bars common sense and dignity, throws them to the winds in favor of barbs and taunts and, Dis forbid, the lowest blow -- You haven't changed at all.

I'm shivering, and crying.  I really thought I'd gotten over this shit.  And it's all my fucking fault...

FISH BLOG #1, Day 27 (Since 9/2/1o): Intro & Test Results

I purchased my first fish tank somewhere around the end of November, beginning of December.  It looked like this:

That was a standard Aqueon 14 gallon tank kit, filled with black gravel and a couple of decorations and plants.

And now the tank looks like this.  It is, obviously, a larger (And better) 46 gallon Marineland Bowfront, with a Marineland Penguin 200 model Filter (And a heater, of course).  Note to self, it loads "C"-Sized filter cartridges. I personally love the dragon, and the aeration it provides to the tank.  Maybe I should buy another one for the other side?  I'll think about it.

As of right now, I believe two plants have died (or...  More like are in the process of dying).  The Wisteria plants and the Amazon Sword didn't do well at all (This is perhaps because I didn't inherit my grandfather's green thumb), so they're going to have to be replaced.  Mr. Java Fern and Mr. Bamboo Stalk are just fine though, if a little hairy (I'm hoping that whatever algae eaters I get actually eat hair algae...  It's not very pretty to look at and I seem to be growing quite a bit of it.)  Pictures to follow.

As of 9/9/1o, the Ammonia (At well over 8 PPM on said date) in the tank has been slowly deteriorating, replaced slowly with Nitrite and Nitrate levels.  The most recent test shows:

We're sitting on:

pH: 7.8 (Bad)
Ammonia: .25 PPM (Though, I added more Ammonia to further feed the bacteria that I'm sure is starving within the tank without fish waste, so more pictures to follow)
Nitrite: 0 PPM (WOOP WOOP)
Nitrate: 5 PPM

This is good.  Except for the pH, I'm really quite sure that I should be able to add fish to the tank whenever I want (Provided I get the money and add a couple more plants for coverage and less stress).  I confess, I haven't really been keeping up with Nitrite/Nitrate tests as well as I should (I couldn't afford those tests at the time and was running on crappy Mardel test strips, which aren't very accurate at all), but it's been about a month.  I'll run more tests throughout the week and if the pH stabilizes itself, I'll be happy.  If not...  I'm going to have to figure out how to fix that.

12:10 AM: Have retaken the Ammonia test and readjusted the pH test accordingly.  The new results, after adding around 3/4tsp of Ammonia:

pH: 8.2 (BAAAAAD.  But, I've learned that it's mostly an imbalance of Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide levels.  Easily fixed, being as the pH is very high mostly because my tank is being heavily aerated)
Ammonia: 4 PPM (Now the fun begins.  I'll test the whole thing over tomorrow night and see how much has changed!)
Nitrite: 0 PPM (WOOP WOOP)
Nitrate: 5 PPM

Small updates, during this crucial time (Cycling) will follow, and I'll have (hopefully) large weekly updates scheduled every Friday.  Hope you guys enjoy this blog...  I'm going to have an adventure writing it.

PRESENTS!~

YES, my dears.  I have PRESENTS.  The first up is...

The TomTom EASE.  I'm gonna have fun with this.  No more fishing around on my iPhone just to be able to see where I'm going?  I'll take that.

The Amazon Kindle is a nice addition to my steadily-growing collection of electronics.  It works just as well as anyone would expect it to (And damn, did I expect it to).  I've already got seven books downloaded.  And yes, I know they cost me money.  Speaking of which --

 I got money!  W00t.  $145 (The extra $25 came around later) sat in my pocket for a total of four hours before it was ruthlessly distributed to Amazon and M-Edge, the (Seemingly) leading provider of eReader covers and sleeves.  I dropped $40 for a decent-looking Abraxas-themed cover (=P), which I will be putting to some SERIOUS use.



"PRESENTS!" is a work in progress.  TBC with other presents which I haven't had the time to photograph. >>;;.

Christmas Time!

This season appears to be very promising.  Pictures of my presents will, of course, come to follow.  In the meantime, a reminder to myself:

DAN GOT:
-Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood (Collector's Edition) (Loved it)
-Engraved Dog Tags (Not so much.)

THE STERRETTS GOT:
-A digital picture frame. (Seemed to like it)

JON & JENI GOT:
-Cookbook
-iPad Case

JONJON GOT:
-iPod Touch (4th Gen) Case

CRYSTAL GOT:
-A Hair Straightener (WTF)

MOM GOT:
-A robe
-Slippers

PAPA GOT:
-A Wooden Puzzle
-A Hat

SO FAR, I'VE GOTTEN:

x1 Bracelet (From Dan <3)
x1 Pair of Earrings (Also from Dan <3)
x1 Shirt (From the Sterretts)