Portal... 2?

I am a novelist.  By definition, this means I write novels.  In colloquial terms, this means I write.  I use my imagination to create things an ordinary, stagnant human being can't (And believe me, there are a lot of ordinary, stagnant people.  How many of you are couch potatoes?)  Allow me to use this extraordinary mind of mine to break down the essence of Portal 2 for you:

This long-awaited sequel is, in essence, Portal.

Okay, I admit: I was looking forward to solving a couple more puzzles after I cracked my wrists and watched GlaDOS extinguish a candle on a cake (For those of you who don't like spoilers, suck it.)  They were fun.  Not challenging, not easy.  Average.  Just like your everyday gamer's intelligence.  I thusly expected an average story and got one, then rode easily on my boyfriend's fanboyish excitement for Portal 2, which, funny enough, was coming out the next day.

When I started, I played Co-Op, and that gave me high hopes for the rest of the game.  We (That is, my boyfriend and I) spent somewhere close to three hours horsing around with Atlas and P-Body, managing to have fun despite the fact that it was...  Oh, four or five in the morning.  I do consider the Co-Op version of  the game a huge success, and I look forward to actually completing the campaign, should I have the time.

The single-player mode, to my discovery, was a huge disappointment.  Let me show you what I mean:

Look familiar?  It really shouldn't.

Portal 2 is a downright copy of its predecessor, right down to the...  Well, I can't tell you that, since most of my readers haven't even finished the game yet.  Suffice to say there are very little surprises here, and the ones that exist...  Leave much to be desired.  Essentially, you are paying $40-$60 for a total remake with one or two new characters, the same soundtrack, and larger (But unfortunately, not more complicated) puzzles.  Don't get me wrong, you will giggle, and the characters are still charming, but the OMFG-COOL plot and the OH-SHIT game mechanics have died and passed on to the Aperture Science Facilities in the sky.  I hope you like reruns, because that's what I paid for.

By the way, in case any of you are wondering what I think a REAL sequel is like, it should be something like:

Sonic Adventure and Sonic Adventure 2: Battle (He's on a beach.  Eggman is in space.  ZOMG DIFFERENT SETTINGS ARE WIN.)

Or...

In case you're wondering, YES, Phantom Hourglass IS a sequel to Wind Waker.

In short, meloves, VIDEO GAMES CAN HAVE AMAZING SEQUELS.  You just have to root out the ones that don't.  Or, continue playing until you become a mindless drone -- something I'm sure many people are doing with Mortal Kombat right now.  Portal and its successor are all good and fun, but in the future, Valve, please attempt to give me something new to do instead of sit and shoot holes at things.

(On a side note, the game theme song isn't as good as Portal's original "Still Alive', either.)