What the Hell is This?

Okay.

...Okay?

I'm sorry, I love cats was rather put off by this awkward display of emotion. I wanted to share the... love Awkwardness.

People find really weird shit to go viral with.  I mean honestly, E3 and the horrors it brings are enough.

Let's Talk About...

How...  Odd it feels to be told that I'm somebody's "everything", but then realize that every Facebook status he updates, every blog post he makes, are about anything except me.

Actually, I take that back.  That one about arguing with a dumb bitch, that was me...  That one about never wanting to talk to me again and "Why the fuck did you call me at work", that was me...  The one about being "stalked", that was me...  The one about how he couldn't believe he gave up fifty dollars, that was me (And damn, but I had been hoping that he'd actually wanted to do something nice for me, but now I know in the back of his mind he was thinking what a stupid fucking decision it was, and that feels horrible)...  The one about how he could finally listen to our song without "wanting to erase the past three years of his life", that was me too...  And afterward, after all that, one single post made me smile.  And that was about having St. Patrick's Day dinner with his family and me.  Not even the one where we were at Chili's was about me.  It was about a song that was playing.  Hmm.  But at least I was mentioned there.

What am I getting at here?  If I'm your everything, then why are your thoughts all over the place except for me?  If I'm your everything, then how come the only facebook statuses (That don't sound like you want to bite someone's head off, again, me) that are positive are about your friends?  If I'm your everything, then how come you introduced your FRIENDS in the first blog post you ever made, but when I asked you why I was never mentioned, you said you "Don't write about your daily life in this blog"?  By the way, that journal you claimed to have that was filled with thoughts about me that you conveniently "lost" a couple of years ago probably should have been found the day you moved out...  Guess that wasn't real either...

I'm writing about this because I woke up at four in the morning crying over it.  I think maybe I'm coming off as a little whiny, but it worries me.  It worries me because honestly, if I'm your everything and you've personally told me that you want to shout your love from the rooftops...  Why aren't you doing it?  What's keeping you from announcing your love?  What's keeping you from talking about me?  Why are you hiding me?

It also makes me a little jealous...

Because I see Tomasa talking about her boyfriend all the time, and how they love each other, and how he's amazing...  Because I see other people talking to their SO's over Facebook and meanwhile I haven't heard a peep from mine, like he thinks that nothing I ever write about is interesting...  Because I read blog posts where wives are cooking or hanging out or even dieting with their husbands and they seem so...  Happy.  They seem like they're "together".  They don't seem separated.  I feel separated.

I feel as though this relationship is trying to work from two different sides that aren't willing to come together anymore.  I feel like he isn't willing to reach out to me where I'm willing to reach out to him (But at least we talked about that one, and he's willing to let me support him now).  Because of those facebook statuses I know that everything he told me when we were first dating was a lie.  He didn't think the world of me, he was turning around and letting all his friends know just what sort of retarded bitch I was, for all to see, on Facebook.  And I wouldn't be surprised if he had been constantly complaining to them about me while he was secretly hanging out with them, too.

And now...  While we're dating again...  Shouldn't he be announcing his refound love for me?  Shouldn't he at least have let people know how much he missed me?  Shouldn't he be talking about how he enjoys spending time with me, or the things we do together?  Shouldn't he be talking about how much I make him smile, or how happy I make him, or...  Something?

I guess...  I guess I'm just not noteworthy enough to talk about.  Certainly not more noteworthy than a cardboard cutout of Snoop Dogg in his room, or a couple of turret plushies.  I so dearly wish I was, though.  I really wish I was his everything.

It Was Bound to Happen Eventually.

Yes... I've created a new blog.

It's called Modern Cave Scrawls.  I think it's pretty nifty, dunno about you.

The entire thing will be documenting my adventures in Paleo.  I wanna be able to see where it goes, even if I do end up quitting or going off-track eventually.  I want a place to put the records.

You're (Whoever you are) all free to go check it out, follow it, stalk it, do what you do best.  I hope you enjoy the layout, too.  Leather?  Yeeeeeah.

Dear FDA: We Hate You Too.

Amish Snow. White Lightning. Horse-N-Buggy-Chug-a-Luggy. Those are just a few of the street names the kids are using when trying to get their raw Amish dairy fix. Luckily, the FDA staged an early morning raid on suspected Amish Milk smugglers. The Amish tried to go all Tony Montana on the brave federal agents trying to put the kibosh on illegal unpasteurized milk distribution rings, but alas, the feds prevailed. The community is once again safe from these bearded menaces.

First, they busted girl scouts selling cookies on street corners. Then they shut down little kids’ lemonade stands as well as people selling extra veggies out of their backyard gardens to neighbors. Now there is a federal case against Amish dairy farmers selling dangerous raw milk contraban. Thank God for the FDA protecting us from girl scouts, children, gardeners, little old ladies trying to board airplanes, and now Amish milk smugglers.

The FDA claims raw milk is a dangerous substance that should “never be consumed by anyone at any time.” Do I need to point out the ridiculousness and hypocrisy here? They actually hand out subsidies for corn, wheat, and sugar. They practically shove high-fructose corn syrup, food dyes, artificial sweeteners, mercury filled vaccines, and statins down our throats- yet they act like Amish farmers are selling jugs of plutonium! I don’t really do much dairy at all myself, but seriously….

This has NOTHING to do with your safety or well-being, it is about money (noticing a pattern here?). The Amish are simply cutting into the big agra-government racket. They just want their cut, and they want to send a clear message that THEY are in control.

Here is a link to the story in the Washington Times.

From Rachel @ Paleo Freedom.

We're Going Paleo!

Thirty days of strict, no-nonsense Paleo diet with TJ should leave me feeling fit and raring to go once I get back in the swing of Capoeira.  I'll hopefully be able to get there if I bag this job at American Airlines (I still doubt, but we'll see.  I don't know how hard it could be...)

I loaded up on carbs this past weekend because I was a stupidhead.  Right now I feel a little lightheaded and sleepy.  I have some slight muscle pain in my biceps and my lower back.  What did I eat to deserve this?  Pizzas, fries, and a little bit of Ramen while my mother wasn't looking.

Wish me luck on this quest of mine.  I'm hoping to be able to go Paleo and not look back after these thirty days, so I'm crossing my fingers for the mood changes, weight loss and better eyesight that came with it last time.

Oh, and remind me to blog for these thirty days.  I really need to keep track of this shit.

Get-Out-of-This-Hellhole 101

There are some times when a momma bird (In this case, a vulture) won't give a baby bird his or her wings.  She's defunct in the brain and instead of teaching her child how to fly, ends up coddling the poor little shit instead.  The baby bird thusly becomes fat, falls out of its nest and dies because it either was too overindulged or was eaten by a wild coyote because it didn't know how to fend for itself.

I don't want this to happen to me.

When I was little, my mother once predicted that I would be the "independent" one.  I can see it in effect right now.  My brother, with his wife and 1.5 kids and big suburban house, is thirty and still has to ask my mother for help and/or advice.  I understand that with this economy, people need to seek help where it is given, but at this point my brother should have been able to pay for his own wedding.  He shouldn't have to ask my mother to help him pay his mortgage, or his bills, ESPECIALLY his phone bills.

But it goes farther back than that.  The roots of this family tree are permanently soiled, diseased and rotting and dying hellish deaths.  I'm serious -- my grandparents are so far in debt that they can barely see, and yet, none of my family realizes that once they're gone, all that debt will be pushed onto their shoulders.  They don't seem to get that all those credit card bills, all those missed insurance payments, all those electric bills have got to go somewhere, and that they are where they're going to go.

It's already tried to pull me down twice: I haven't been able to pay for college, pay for ANYTHING, really, because I already have 18k of debt on my shoulders.  You can thank my mother for that, and her inability to follow through when it comes to, oh, say, PUTTING HER DAUGHTER THROUGH A COMPLETE EDUCATION.  I went to Columbia.  I even stooped so low as to go to Triton, and even that didn't work.  I'm still in debt.  Debt that I'm going to have to pay off 'til I'm forty or fifty and well past the prime age for working.  This is why I need to get out of here.

Of course, my first step is getting a job.  Any job.  In fact, since most of the job offers out there are part time ones, maybe it would be smarter for me to nab two just in case.  After that I'm going to need to save.  It's recommended that you save at least two thousand ($2000) for emergency expenses and/or deposit before you move away from home, but in this case I'm thinking I'm just gonna save as much as I can before February 2012.  And we'll see where it goes from there.

Come February 2012, I'm going to have (Hopefully) already transfered the title on my car to...  Myself.  Since it's in my grandfather's name, he can legally send someone out to steal it from me if he really wanted to.  To be fair, I'm going to be hurting them pretty badly by moving out like this, but I really need that car, and it's supposed to be mine, anyway.  This also means I'm going to be paying off the rest of the car, which started at somewhere around 19k.

February 2012 is also my goal for moving house.  Cross your fingers -- I really hope I get out of here by then, and I hope to Dis it doesn't snow like it has this year.  Moving house means I need storage.  I need to throw shit away.  I need to pack up my boxes.  And I need to do all of this without them noticing.  If they notice, they're going to wonder WTF I'm doing, and then all of my efforts will be shot to hell.  When I'm already out, I can turn away the police officer that turns up at my door.  But before that?  I'm an adult, but there's no question they'd send my brother to tail me as long as they aren't satisfied I'm not being a good little house slave.

There's more to this.  So much more.  Kinda like: Should I take Geisha with me or not?  I don't want to see her abused, but I probably won't be able to afford her either.  Am I gonna be able to afford capoeira?  Probably not.  As a matter of fact, I probably wont' be able to afford most ANYTHING those first couple of months, as long as I have to pay for that car.

Even foregoing all that: Where will I go?  Will I be able to stay in the less expensive suburbs, or will I be made to return to Chicago?  I'd love to, but I don't know where.  I guess I should dust off those old research skills...

Actually, before we get into all that, how about the issue of my birth certificate?  I know who has it.  They rooted through my car when they took it into the shop, and now all I can do is either look for it or get a new one.  I'm thinking I'm gonna get a passport, too.  After all, the more identification I have, the better.

On subject of the car, I really love this:

Illinois Title Transfers
What to Do if I don't Have the TItle

I need to get all of these things in motion...  I guess that means, since it's the only thing I can do right now, I need to procure some cardboard boxes and start storing all my shit somewhere else.

A Lady and Her Shoes...

There are many times when you need the protection and security of a shoe or boot. Like all things in life, there is a balance, and Vibram FiveFingers® provides a healthy alternative to traditional footwear. Wearing FiveFingers for fitness training, running, water sports or just for fun will make your feet stronger and healthier—naturally.

That's a pretty bold claim, for a shoe that looks like it doesn't help you any.

I saw one of my friends wearing these a long time ago and, like some of you, I wondered, "WTF are those?"  It was by chance that I managed to find them again via Nerd Fitness, a blog that I follow infrequently.  They are called Vibram Fivefingers, and I believe that they'd be more than perfect for practicing Capoeira.

Capoeira is a naturally barefoot sport.  You've got to have that maneuverability that most shoes (Like Nike) don't allow.  And if they do, it's supposedly not very healthy for you.  Sucks for us, right?

I, however, am still recovering from a serious bout of Athlete's foot.  I'm not about to trust myself going around in a gym where fifty or so people sweat, stomp, and generally look badass every day.  Why?  Because I don't want them somehow gaining my disease, and I'd rather not have to deal with this horrible fungus ever again.  But playing with shoes is hard because normal athletic shoes don't allow you to jump around, do cartwheels, and slip and fall on your ass when you need to.  Believe me, I tried.

So I'm thinking I'd really love to blow $100 and pick up a pair of these, which are supposed to be awesomely healthy for you and promote going barefoot in sports at the same time.  They're also going to be a crazy fashion statement.  I'm killing three birds with one stone!

PS: For extra fun, read this blog post by Nerd Fitness and see how these foot-gloves hold up when you trek across Australia.  I can tell you that the $170 gym shoes that you bought at Payless would probably be torn up and sodden with mud by the time you finished.